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Seven Presidential Pardons

Word count: 471

Song Cycle by Gary Bachlund

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1. I'm not a crook [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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I was not lying.
    I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.
People have got to know whether or not their President is a crook.
    Well, I'm not a crook.
    I've earned everything I've got.
When the President does it,
    that means that it's not illegal.
I would have made a good Pope.
    Lie, lie, lie, lie, not lying!


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

2. American efficiency [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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Pardon him.
The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency.
Oh, pardon me, but...
    Where else can you get an earful,
    a bellyful and
    a snootful at the same time?
Pardon me.


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

3. To drown my troubles [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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Oh! misery!
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
    but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
To drown my sorrows... Misery!
We've uncovered some embarrassing ancestors
    in the not-too-distant past.
Some horse thieves, and some people killed on Saturday nights.
    One of my relatives, unfortunately,
    was even in the newspaper business.
O! misery!
I have looked on a lot of women with lust in my heart.
I've committed adultery in my heart many times....
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
Adultery! Misery!
Pardon me!


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

4. The second-oldest profession [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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Well, Gerald Ford was a Communist --
    pardon me - a Congressman....
    Facts are stupid things.
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession.
    I have come to realize that it bears
    a very close resemblance to the first.
Facts are stupid things.


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

5. No exaggeration [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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I have opinions of my own - strong opinions -
    but I don't always agree with them.
Read my lips - no new taxes!
It's no exaggeration to say that
    the undecideds could go one way or another.
I have opinions of my own - no new taxes -
but I don't always agree with them.
No new taxes!


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

6. It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is.
    The word 'is' is, isn't it?
It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is.
    The word 'is' is.
Pardon me!
If 'is' means 'is and never has been,'
    that's one thing.
If it means 'there is none,'
    that was a completely true statement.
The word 'is' is, isn't it?
    Is it? Isn't it? It is! It depends.


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

7. The strategery [ sung text checked 1 time]

Language: English

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And... There's a lot of blowhards in the political process, you know,
    and a lot of hot-air artists,
    and people who have got something fancy to say.
And there is distrust in Washington.
And I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town.
    And I'm sorry it's the case,
    and I'll work hard to try to elevate it.
And a dangerous plan is better than no plan at all.
    I'll work hard to try to elevate it.
    I'll work hard to try to elevate...
    distrust in Washington.
After all, I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.
Honestly! Pardon me!


Submitted by Emily Ezust [Administrator]

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