Ten Epigrams by Hilaire Belloc

Torture will give a dozen pence or more
To keep a drab from bawling at his door.
The public taste is quite a different thing --
Torture is positively paid to sing. 

Good morning, Algernon: Good morning, Percy.
Good morning, Mrs. Roebeck. Christ have mercy! 

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 
"His sins were scarlet, but his books were read." 

Ill fares the land to hast'ning ills a prey (1)
Where wealth accumulates and men decay.'
But how much more unfortunate are those
Where wealth declines and population grows!
(1) This line is execrable; and I note it.
I quote it as the faulty poet wrote it. 

The accursed power which stands on Privilege 
(And goes with Women, and Champagne and Bridge) 
Broke and Democracy resumed her reign:
(Which goes with Bridge, and Women and Champagne) 

Dear Mr Noman, does it ever strike you,
The more we see of you, the less we like you? 

The Devil, having nothing else to do, 
Went off to tempt My Lady Poltagrue. 
My Lady, tempted by a private whim, 
To his extreme annoyance, tempted him.

Here richly, with ridiculous display, 
The Politician's corpse was laid away. 
While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged 
I wept : for I had longed to see him hanged.

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.

He served his God so faithfully and well
That now he sees him face to face, in hell.