You will find me drinking rum,
        Like a sailor in a slum,
You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian.
        You will find me drinking gin
        In the lowest kind of inn,
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.

        So I cleared the inn of wine,
        And I tried to climb the sign,
And I tried to hail the constable as “Marion.”
        But he said I couldn’t speak,
        And he bowled me to the Beak
Because I was a Happy Vegetarian.

        Oh, I knew a Doctor Gluck,
        And his nose it had a hook,
And his attitudes were anything but Aryan;
        So I gave him all the pork
        That I had, upon a fork;
Because I am myself a Vegetarian.

        I am silent in the Club,
        I am silent in the pub,
I am silent on a bally peak in Darien;
        For I stuff away for life
        Shoving peas in with a knife,
Because I am at heart a Vegetarian.

        No more the milk of cows
        Shall pollute my private house
Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian;
        I will stick to port and sherry,
        For they are so very, very,
So very, very, very Vegetarian.