I reside at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James; 
I am not up to small deceit, or any sinful games; 
And I'll tell in simple language what I know about the row 
That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.

But first I would remark, that it is not a proper plan 
For any scientific gent to whale his fellow-man, 
And, if a member don't agree with his peculiar whim, 
To lay for that same member for to "put a head" on him.

Now nothing could be finer or more beautiful to see 
Than the first six months' proceedings of that same Society, 
Till Brown of Calaveras brought a lot of fossil bones 
That he found within a tunnel near the tenement of Jones.

Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there, 
From those same bones, an animal that was extremely rare; 
And Jones then asked the Chair for a suspension of the rules, 
Till he could prove that those same bones was one of his lost mules.

Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said he was at fault, 
It seemed he had been trespassing on Jones's family vault; 
He was a most sarcastic man, this quiet Mr. Brown, 
And on several occasions he had cleaned out the town.

Now I hold it is not decent for a scientific gent 
To say another is an ass, - at least, to all intent; 
Nor should the individual who happens to be meant 
Reply by heaving rocks at him, to any great extent.

Then Abner Dean of Angel's raised a point of order, when 
A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen, 
And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled up on the floor, 
And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.

For, in less time than I write it, every member did engage 
In a warfare with the remnants of the palaeozoic age; 
And the way they heaved those fossils in their anger was a sin, 
Till the skull of an old mammoth caved the head of Thompson in.

And this is all I have to say of these improper games, 
For I live at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James; 
And I've told in simple language what I knew about the row 
That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.