If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
            Life would be delight, --
            But things couldn't go right
            For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
            There might be some sense
            But I'd be in suspense
            For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
            Things would seem fair,--
            Yet they'd all despair,
            For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.