Heriger, bishop of Mainz,
Met a prophet who declared that
He had been carried off to hell.

Among many other things,
The prophet claimed that hell was
Surrounded by an impenetrable woods.

Heriger, with a smile, replied:
'I wouldn't care to send my swineherd
There to pasture my leanest of pigs.'

The liar continued: 'Then I was brought
To highest heaven, where I saw Christ
Cheerfully lounging and feasting.

And John the Baptist was there,
Handing out cups of excellent wine
That he had poured for all the saints.'

Heriger said: 'Christ was so wise
To assign John to the role of butler,
Because he never touches wine.

But you have proved yourself a liar
In saying that Peter is the master cook,
Because he is heaven's doorkeeper.

But how did God honor you
In heaven? Where did you sit?
Tell me what you had for supper.'

The man replied: 'While in the corner,
I got a morsel of lung from the cook,
And got out of there with it.'

Heriger had the prophet tied to a post,
And beaten with birch rods,
While he bitterly rebuked him:

'If ever Christ invites you to dine
With him again, then do not be
Such a dirty thief next time.'

(Thus spake Heriger,
The bishop of Mainz.)