Solitary I stand, wrenched about by the wind,
Unloved and forsaken
In the hostile night.
My spirit is heavy and full of bitterness
When I think of you,
Blind God, who full of cruelty
Always does what is unfathomable.
Why, if you have the power, do you permit,
Why do you permit dogs and sows
To enjoy a happiness that is never
Granted to the more noble one who pines for it?
Why do you whip me, you loved you,
[Why do you] chase me alone through the night,
Why do you rob me of everything
That you do not begrudge to each deplorable one?
Seldom have I complained, and even less often
Cursed you in resentment,
For years in devout priesthood
I lived for you, called you Lord and God,
Saw in you the crown and reason for my existence;
Always I went, albeit often in darkness,
Feeling my way toward goodness, always was love,
Always kindness and purity my highest goal.
Nonetheless you, who flatter my enemies,
Have never fulfilled a single one of my dreams,
Never granted a single one of my petitions!
I never knew anything but struggle and work,
While yonder in the house of the merry,
Lutes and dances and sweet singing rang out.
Oh how you, my tormentor,
When I once in blind hoping,
Full of gentle love, offered my heart full of trust,
How you heaped derision and scorn upon me,
So that I fled furiously, pursued by the laughter of women!
Lonely now and without any belief in happiness,
Sleepless by night and by day the prey of doubting,
I walk godless through this world,
To my torment, and to your sad disgrace.
Despite that, oh God, though your finger deeply
Burrows in my wound, full of blind relish,
Despite that, you shall not see me despairing
Not see me kneeling in the dust and weeping.
For your most secret wish, cruel one,
Yet sounds unconquerably in my heart,
And to love life,
Wildly and senselessly to love this senseless life,
In all the persecution [I have suffered],
In all the trying times, I have never completely unlearned.
My heart loves even you and your capricious ways,
While it defiantly scorns you.
Yes, I love you, God, and I love
Fervently the confused world, over which you reign badly
. . . Listen! From yonder, where the happy ones are,
Song and laughter wafts over toward me,
Cries of women and silvery clinking of goblets.
But with deeper ecstasy,
Sweeter and more intoxicatingly than for these easily-satisfied ones
Love for life
Glows in my joyless, hungering breast.
And angrily I shake
Exhaustion from my sleepless eyes,
I drink night and wind, starglow and mountainous clouds
Greedily with breathing senses
Into my insatiable soul.