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by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887)

Ja ne ščadil sebja: mučitel'nym somnen'jam
Language: Russian (Русский) 
Ja ne ščadil sebja: mučitel'nym somnen'jam
JA sam navstreču šel, sam v dušu ich prizval…
JA govoril «prosti» vsem svetlym ubežden'jam,
Vse lučšie mečty s prokljat'em pogrebal.
Žit' v mire prizrakov, žit' grezami i snami,
Bez dumy plyt' tuda, kuda neset priliv,
Bespečno likovat' s rabami i glupcami –
Net, ja byl sliškom gord, i česten, i pravdiv.

I bogi padali, i prežnie svetila
Terjali navsegda sijan'e i teplo,
I noč' vokrug menja sdvigalas', kak mogila,
Otravoj žgučich dum obvejav mne čelo, –
I skorbno ja gljadel potuchšimi očami,
Kak žizn', ešče včera sijavšaja krasoj,
Žizn' – ėtot pyšnyj sad, pestrejuščij cvetami, –
Nagoj pustyneju ležala predo mnoj!..

No pervyj vichr' zatich, zamolknul v otdalen'i
Gluchoj raskat gromov – i ožil ja opjat':
JA stal sbirat' vokrug oblomki ot krušen'ja
I na razvalinach tvorit' i sozidat'.
Iz ucelevšich grez, nadežd i upovanij
JA sozdal novyj mir, vozdvignul novyj chram
I, otdochnuv dušoj ot bur' i ispytanij,
Vnov' stal molit'sja v nem i žeč' moj fimiam!..

I v tjagostnoj groze, prošedšej nado mnoju,
JA vysšij smysl postig – ona mne pomogla,
Očistiv dušu mne stradan'em i bor'boju,
Svet otličit' ot mgly i perly ot stekla.
«Vpered že! – dumal ja, – pust' staraja trevoga
V tvoej grudi, boec, zaglochnet i zamret,
Ty zakalil sebja, ty istinnogo boga
Prozrel v ugrjumoj mgle – ne medli ž, i vpered!»

Naprasnaja mečta!.. Uchodjat dni za dnjami,
I každyj novyj den', otmečennyj bor'boj,
S bessil'nym užasom, s bezumnymi slezami,
Raskaty novych groz ja slyšu nad soboj!
Svjatilišče duši porugano… somnen'ja
Vnesli už i v nego mertvjaščij svoj razlad
I v moj svjaščennyj gimn, v smirennyj gimn molen'ja,
Koščunstvennych rečej vlivajut tajnyj jad!..

Otverstoj bezdne zla, zijajuščej mne v oči,
Ni dna net, ni granic – i na ee kraju,
Okutan dušnoj mgloj nevynosimoj noči,
Bessil'nyj, kak ditja, v razdum'e ja stoju:
Čto značu ja, pigmej, so vsej moej ljubov'ju,
I razumom moim, i volej, i dušoj,
Pred l'juščejsja veka stradal'českoju krov'ju,
Pred večnym zlom ljudskim i večnoju vraždoj?!

Available sung texts:   ← What is this?

•   V. Aloiz 

V. Aloiz sets stanza 1

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Text Authorship:

  • by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887), no title, written 1883 [author's text checked 1 time against a primary source]

Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):

  • by Vladislav Frantsevich Aloiz (1860 - c1917), "Я не щадил себя", op. 43 no. 7, stanza 1 [sung text checked 1 time]
  • by Vladimir Ivanovich Rebikov (1866 - 1920), "Я не щадил себя" [sung text not yet checked]

Researcher for this page: Johann Winkler

This text was added to the website: 2020-12-02
Line count: 48
Word count: 333

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