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by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887)

Ya ne shhadil sebya: muchitel`ny'm somnen`yam
Language: Russian (Русский) 
Ya ne shhadil sebya: muchitel`ny'm somnen`yam
YA sam navstrechu shel, sam v dushu ix prizval…
YA govoril «prosti» vsem svetly'm ubezhden`yam,
Vse luchshie mechty' s proklyat`em pogrebal.
Zhit` v mire prizrakov, zhit` grezami i snami,
Bez dumy' ply't` tuda, kuda neset priliv,
Bespechno likovat` s rabami i glupczami –
Net, ya by'l slishkom gord, i chesten, i pravdiv.

I bogi padali, i prezhnie svetila
Teryali navsegda siyan`e i teplo,
I noch` vokrug menya sdvigalas`, kak mogila,
Otravoj zhguchix dum obveyav mne chelo, –
I skorbno ya glyadel potuxshimi ochami,
Kak zhizn`, eshhe vchera siyavshaya krasoj,
Zhizn` – e`tot py'shny'j sad, pestreyushhij czvetami, –
Nagoj pusty'neyu lezhala predo mnoj!..

No pervy'j vixr` zatix, zamolknul v otdalen`i
Gluxoj raskat gromov – i ozhil ya opyat`:
YA stal sbirat` vokrug oblomki ot krushen`ya
I na razvalinax tvorit` i sozidat`.
Iz ucelevshix grez, nadezhd i upovanij
YA sozdal novy'j mir, vozdvignul novy'j xram
I, otdoxnuv dushoj ot bur` i ispy'tanij,
Vnov` stal molit`sya v nem i zhech` moj fimiam!..

I v tyagostnoj groze, proshedshej nado mnoyu,
YA vy'sshij smy'sl postig – ona mne pomogla,
Ochistiv dushu mne stradan`em i bor`boyu,
Svet otlichit` ot mgly' i perly' ot stekla.
«Vpered zhe! – dumal ya, – pust` staraya trevoga
V tvoej grudi, boecz, zagloxnet i zamret,
Ty' zakalil sebya, ty' istinnogo boga
Prozrel v ugryumoj mgle – ne medli zh, i vpered!»

Naprasnaya mechta!.. Uxodyat dni za dnyami,
I kazhdy'j novy'j den`, otmechenny'j bor`boj,
S bessil`ny'm uzhasom, s bezumny'mi slezami,
Raskaty' novy'x groz ya sly'shu nad soboj!
Svyatilishhe dushi porugano… somnen`ya
Vnesli uzh i v nego mertvyashhij svoj razlad
I v moj svyashhenny'j gimn, v smirenny'j gimn molen`ya,
Koshhunstvenny'x rechej vlivayut tajny'j yad!..

Otverstoj bezdne zla, ziyayushhej mne v ochi,
Ni dna net, ni granicz – i na ee krayu,
Okutan dushnoj mgloj nevy'nosimoj nochi,
Bessil`ny'j, kak ditya, v razdum`e ya stoyu:
Chto znachu ya, pigmej, so vsej moej lyubov`yu,
I razumom moim, i volej, i dushoj,
Pred l`yushhejsya veka stradal`cheskoyu krov`yu,
Pred vechny'm zlom lyudskim i vechnoyu vrazhdoj?!

Available sung texts:   ← What is this?

•   V. Aloiz 

V. Aloiz sets stanza 1

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Text Authorship:

  • by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887), no title, written 1883 [author's text checked 1 time against a primary source]

Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):

  • by Vladislav Frantsevich Aloiz (1860 - c1917), "Я не щадил себя", op. 43 no. 7, stanza 1 [sung text checked 1 time]
  • by Vladimir Ivanovich Rebikov (1866 - 1920), "Я не щадил себя" [sung text not yet checked]

Researcher for this page: Johann Winkler

This text was added to the website: 2020-12-02
Line count: 48
Word count: 333

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