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by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887)

Ja ne shchadil sebja: muchitel'nym somnen'jam
Language: Russian (Русский) 
Ja ne shchadil sebja: muchitel'nym somnen'jam
Ja sam navstrechu shel, sam v dushu ikh prizval…
Ja govoril «prosti» vsem svetlym ubezhden'jam,
Vse luchshije mechty s prokljat'em pogrebal.
Zhit' v mire prizrakov, zhit' grezami i snami,
Bez dumy plyt' tuda, kuda neset priliv,
Bespechno likovat' s rabami i glupcami –
Net, ja byl slishkom gord, i chesten, i pravdiv.

I bogi padali, i prezhnije svetila
Terjali navsegda sijan'e i teplo,
I noch' vokrug menja sdvigalas', kak mogila,
Otravoj zhguchikh dum obvejav mne chelo, –
I skorbno ja gljadel potukhshimi ochami,
Kak zhizn', jeshche vchera sijavshaja krasoj,
Zhizn' – `etot pyshnyj sad, pestrejushchij cvetami, –
Nagoj pustyneju lezhala predo mnoj!..

No pervyj vikhr' zatikh, zamolknul v otdalen'i
Glukhoj raskat gromov – i ozhil ja opjat':
Ja stal sbirat' vokrug oblomki ot krushen'ja
I na razvalinakh tvorit' i sozidat'.
Iz ucelevshikh grez, nadezhd i upovanij
Ja sozdal novyj mir, vozdvignul novyj khram
I, otdokhnuv dushoj ot bur' i ispytanij,
Vnov' stal molit'sja v nem i zhech' moj fimiam!..

I v tjagostnoj groze, proshedshej nado mnoju,
Ja vysshij smysl postig – ona mne pomogla,
Ochistiv dushu mne stradan'em i bor'boju,
Svet otlichit' ot mgly i perly ot stekla.
«Vpered zhe! – dumal ja, – pust' staraja trevoga
V tvojej grudi, bojec, zaglokhnet i zamret,
Ty zakalil sebja, ty istinnogo boga
Prozrel v ugrjumoj mgle – ne medli zh, i vpered!»

Naprasnaja mechta!.. Ukhodjat dni za dnjami,
I kazhdyj novyj den', otmechennyj bor'boj,
S bessil'nym uzhasom, s bezumnymi slezami,
Raskaty novykh groz ja slyshu nad soboj!
Svjatilishche dushi porugano… somnen'ja
Vnesli uzh i v nego mertvjashchij svoj razlad
I v moj svjashchennyj gimn, v smirennyj gimn molen'ja,
Koshchunstvennykh rechej vlivajut tajnyj jad!..

Otverstoj bezdne zla, zijajushchej mne v ochi,
Ni dna net, ni granic – i na jee kraju,
Okutan dushnoj mgloj nevynosimoj nochi,
Bessil'nyj, kak ditja, v razdum'e ja stoju:
Chto znachu ja, pigmej, so vsej mojej ljubov'ju,
I razumom moim, i volej, i dushoj,
Pred l'jushchejsja veka stradal'cheskoju krov'ju,
Pred vechnym zlom ljudskim i vechnoju vrazhdoj?!

Available sung texts:   ← What is this?

•   V. Aloiz 

V. Aloiz sets stanza 1

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Text Authorship:

  • by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887), no title, written 1883 [author's text checked 1 time against a primary source]

Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):

  • by Vladislav Frantsevich Aloiz (1860 - c1917), "Я не щадил себя", op. 43 no. 7, stanza 1 [sung text checked 1 time]
  • by Vladimir Ivanovich Rebikov (1866 - 1920), "Я не щадил себя" [sung text not yet checked]

Researcher for this page: Johann Winkler

This text was added to the website: 2020-12-02
Line count: 48
Word count: 333

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