by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887)
Ja ne shchadil sebja: muchitel'nym somnen'jam
Language: Russian (Русский)
Ja ne shchadil sebja: muchitel'nym somnen'jam Ja sam navstrechu shel, sam v dushu ikh prizval… Ja govoril «prosti» vsem svetlym ubezhden'jam, Vse luchshije mechty s prokljat'em pogrebal. Zhit' v mire prizrakov, zhit' grezami i snami, Bez dumy plyt' tuda, kuda neset priliv, Bespechno likovat' s rabami i glupcami – Net, ja byl slishkom gord, i chesten, i pravdiv. I bogi padali, i prezhnije svetila Terjali navsegda sijan'e i teplo, I noch' vokrug menja sdvigalas', kak mogila, Otravoj zhguchikh dum obvejav mne chelo, – I skorbno ja gljadel potukhshimi ochami, Kak zhizn', jeshche vchera sijavshaja krasoj, Zhizn' – `etot pyshnyj sad, pestrejushchij cvetami, – Nagoj pustyneju lezhala predo mnoj!.. No pervyj vikhr' zatikh, zamolknul v otdalen'i Glukhoj raskat gromov – i ozhil ja opjat': Ja stal sbirat' vokrug oblomki ot krushen'ja I na razvalinakh tvorit' i sozidat'. Iz ucelevshikh grez, nadezhd i upovanij Ja sozdal novyj mir, vozdvignul novyj khram I, otdokhnuv dushoj ot bur' i ispytanij, Vnov' stal molit'sja v nem i zhech' moj fimiam!.. I v tjagostnoj groze, proshedshej nado mnoju, Ja vysshij smysl postig – ona mne pomogla, Ochistiv dushu mne stradan'em i bor'boju, Svet otlichit' ot mgly i perly ot stekla. «Vpered zhe! – dumal ja, – pust' staraja trevoga V tvojej grudi, bojec, zaglokhnet i zamret, Ty zakalil sebja, ty istinnogo boga Prozrel v ugrjumoj mgle – ne medli zh, i vpered!» Naprasnaja mechta!.. Ukhodjat dni za dnjami, I kazhdyj novyj den', otmechennyj bor'boj, S bessil'nym uzhasom, s bezumnymi slezami, Raskaty novykh groz ja slyshu nad soboj! Svjatilishche dushi porugano… somnen'ja Vnesli uzh i v nego mertvjashchij svoj razlad I v moj svjashchennyj gimn, v smirennyj gimn molen'ja, Koshchunstvennykh rechej vlivajut tajnyj jad!.. Otverstoj bezdne zla, zijajushchej mne v ochi, Ni dna net, ni granic – i na jee kraju, Okutan dushnoj mgloj nevynosimoj nochi, Bessil'nyj, kak ditja, v razdum'e ja stoju: Chto znachu ja, pigmej, so vsej mojej ljubov'ju, I razumom moim, i volej, i dushoj, Pred l'jushchejsja veka stradal'cheskoju krov'ju, Pred vechnym zlom ljudskim i vechnoju vrazhdoj?!
V. Aloiz sets stanza 1
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Authorship:
- by Semyon Yakovlevich Nadson (1862 - 1887), no title, written 1883 [author's text checked 1 time against a primary source]
Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):
- by Vladislav Frantsevich Aloiz (1860 - c1917), "Я не щадил себя", op. 43 no. 7, stanza 1 [sung text checked 1 time]
- by Vladimir Ivanovich Rebikov (1866 - 1920), "Я не щадил себя" [sung text not yet checked]
Researcher for this page: Johann Winkler
This text was added to the website: 2020-12-02
Line count: 48
Word count: 333