I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish [in]1 oblivious host,
[Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost]2;
And yet I am, [and live with shadows tossed]3

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking [dreams]4,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
[But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest - that I loved the best -]5
Are strange - nay, [rather]6 stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod,
A place where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
[Untroubling and untroubled where I lie]7, -
The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

About the headline (FAQ)

View original text (without footnotes)
¹ Muhly: "an"
² Muhly: "Shadows of life, whose very soul is lost"
³ Muhly: "- I live - though I am toss'd"
⁴ Muhly: "dream"
⁵ Muhly: "But the huge shipwreck of my own extreme and all that's dear./ Even those I loved the best"
⁶ Muhly: "they are"
⁷ Muhly: "Full of high thoughts, unborn. So let me lie"

Text Authorship:

• by John Clare (1793 - 1864), "I am", appears in The Life of John Clare, first published 1865 [author's text checked 1 time against a primary source]

Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):

• by Trevor Hold (1939 - 2004), "I am", 1964, first performed 1968 [ tenor and instrumental ensemble ], from For John Clare [sung text not yet checked]
• by Thomas Mirante (b. 1931), "I am", published 1969 [ SATB chorus and piano ] [sung text not yet checked]
• by Nico Muhly (b. 1981), "I am: yet what I am none cares or knows", 2016, first performed 2017 [ voice and piano ], from Strange Productions, no. 4, confirmed with a concert programme booklet [sung text checked 1 time]
• by Kurt George Roger (1895 - 1966), "Elegy", 1946, first performed 1950 [ baritone and piano ], from Three English Poems [sung text not yet checked]
• by David Evan Thomas (b. 1958), "I am", 1990, first performed 1993 [ baritone, piano ], from Heard in a Violent Ward, no. 6 [sung text not yet checked]
• by Ian Venables (b. 1955), "I am", op. 31 no. 4 (1997) [ tenor and string quartet ], from Invite to Eternity, no. 4 [sung text not yet checked]

Settings in other languages, adaptations, or excerpts:

• Also set in German (Deutsch), a translation by Bertram Kottmann , "Ich bin", copyright © 2013, (re)printed on this website with kind permission ; composed by Gary Bachlund.
  • Go to the text.
    

Research team for this page: Emily Ezust [Administrator] , Malcolm Wren [Guest Editor]

This text was added to the website: 2005-12-19
Line count: 18
Word count: 143

Ich bin! Doch was ich bin - mag's keiner wissen?
Im Stich gelassen und gefallen aus der Zeit,
verzehr ich mich in meinen Kümmernissen,
die nah'n und geh'n in Selbstverlorenheit,
Schatten des Daseins, einem seelenlosen,
und doch bin ich und leb', wenngleich verstoßen

ins Nichts aus Lärm und Hohn und Bitterkeit
ins aufgewühlte Meer des wachen Traums,
wo kein Gefühl mehr ist und keine Freud,
nur noch das Wrack des alten Selbstvertrau'ns
und allem, was mir lieb. Selbst die, die mir am nächsten standen,
sind fremd mir - ja - sind fremder als die andern.

Ich sehn' nach Orten mich, wo nie ein Mensch je ging,
wo niemals eine Frau geweint, gelacht,
um dort zu sein bei Gott, dem Schöpfer aller Ding,
zu schlafen wie als Kind ich schlief in sichrer Nacht,
voll guten Sinns, in Mutters Schoß. Lasst mir die Ruh,
das Gras - mein Bett, der Himmel deckt mich zu.